@elle91: My Internet was out for a while so I went downstairs to talk to my mom. She seems nice.
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@KandyKoehn: me: [in bed, hears a weird noise] wtf was that?! dracula: [bursts out of my closet] me: did you hear that too?! dracula: yeah wtf was that?!
@GuyThe_Guy: Tonight we're gonna party like its 1999. No seriously, Greg's been in a coma for 14 years. We'll tell him that shit tomorrow night though.
@justabloodygame: A cemetery foreman discovers that his employees cremated a body he explicitly told them to bury. "You've made a grave mistake!" He fumes.
@slennonhugs: I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull