@elle91: My Internet was out for a while so I went downstairs to talk to my mom. She seems nice.
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@novicefather: Pro tip: If a woman asks you how she looks, the correct answer is not "like Dan Aykroyd."
@bossy_bootz: Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
@TheEllenShow: Scientists found there may not be as many benefits to flossing as we thought. Guess none of them have ever been to a party with spinach dip.