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@cynicuhl: My IQ? With google or without?
@HomeProbably: A lollipop is like a normal lipop but it laughs a lot.
@hippieswordfish: ME: i thought i saw a new color today
WIFE: wait- is this..are you..
M: but it-
W: oh no
M: was just-
M: a pigment of my imagination
@atanya1111: At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator.
@MiSsSnObBy: I'm just a girl
Hiding under a bed
Hoping his wife leaves soon
@weinerdog4life: I've been putting my sunglasses on and walking away from things in slow motion all day, nothing has exploded yet.