@delusions_of: My karate skills are instinctual. Like if you wake me from a nap I kick you.
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@NotARatsAss: Want to spice things up? Look them right in the eyes and lick their fingers seductively. My dentist didn't appreciate it, but yours might.
@truegritrumble: ME: I hit my neighbors car. CAT: I killed my last 4 owners. ME: YOU CAN TALK! CAT: ... ME: Wait, what did you just say? CAT: *blinks*
@FrogAvalanche: Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What's-
@Sanbel11: When a husband asks you if you think it's possible to love someone forever... "If I find the right person" is apparently the wrong answer.