@delusions_of: My karate skills are instinctual. Like if you wake me from a nap I kick you.
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@Book_Krazy: Ok, don't let them know you're a puma Interviewer: We're very impressed! You've got the job! "REALLY!?! I'M SO HAPPY I JUST PUMA PANTS"
@jjhartinger: War & Peace wasn't written to be downloaded on your iPad, Carol. Tolstoy wrote it for you to carry around and impress people with.
@Kyle_Lippert: "Trump is a good businessman" He has a failed steak biz, a failed vodka biz & failed casinos. HOW DO YOU SCREW UP STEAK, VODKA & GAMBLING
@squirrel74wkgn: Cashier: Such a GREAT day...how's your weekend? Me: *slides tampons across counter* Cashier: Nevermind...