@delusions_of: My karate skills are instinctual. Like if you wake me from a nap I kick you.
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@Tetley6969: At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was too salty. My wife had to leap over the table and cover my mouth before I said something.
@JohnLyonTweets: Dear Mom and Dad: Camp is awful and I want to go home. They haven’t let us go swimming even once, and I hate the orange jumpsuits they make us wear. Also, the counselors are mean and my cabin mate says he’s going to shank me. Making license plates is fun, though. Love, John.
@TheTweetOfGod: Capitalism is controlled by an "invisible hand" that gives most people the invisible finger.