@delusions_of: My karate skills are instinctual. Like if you wake me from a nap I kick you.
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@EliTerry: "looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points" - commentators on my snowboard run
@sammyrhodes: My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.
@isabelzawtun: Facebook 2007: are you a teenager who wants to find out if your crush is single? Facebook 2017: are you an aunt who wants revenge