@daemonic3: My kid asked for help with her report but if I did it for her she won't learn! So I showed how to google, change name, & print on her own.
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@philyuck: The Molotov cocktail is of course named after Vitaly Molotov, an 18th century Russian industrialist who exploded after being thrown at a car
@NoTheOtherJohn: Me: Pull my finger. Doctor: Ok. [finger detaches] Me: AAAAHHHHH! Doctor: AAAAHHHHH!!! ME: haha j/k that's actually why I came in.
@dafloydsta: [bank robbery] "Todd, where the hell is the getaway car?" TODD: *zooming up on a Segway* FOSSIL FUELS ARE RUINING THIS PLANET, GARY