@daemonic3: My kid asked for help with her report but if I did it for her she won't learn! So I showed how to google, change name, & print on her own.
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@jackmackenroth: It's saying something when you marry Charles Manson and you look like the crazy one.
@BuckyIsotope: *visits new girlfriend's house for 1st time* "Make yourself at home" Great. Thanks! *I crawl into the closet and begin sobbing loudly*
@jjhartinger: I don't really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense. Like a Bear at mile 3.
@pudding_club: *calls mom* "Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today" *long pause* "Mom?" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* "Mom?"