@daemonic3: My kid asked for help with her report but if I did it for her she won't learn! So I showed how to google, change name, & print on her own.
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@WilliamRodgers: Him: So whattayou wanna do? Her: I dunno Him: So...You wanna play video games? Her: No! Him: So...You wanna watch me play video games?
@CooIStepDad: [running from cop] *cop catches me* "Get on the ground or I'll taze ya" *pulls jellyfish from pocket* "Look they were all out of tazers"
@sarcasticmommy4: *12 pulls a gray hair out of my head* M: Wow, look at that! 12: Hang on. There's A LOT more! M: 12: Can I get paid for pulling these out?
@OrangeFact: SPOILER ALERT: In the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting," it's a baby. You're expecting a baby.