@LoveNLunchmeat: My kid asked how the Easter bunny gets inside the house and I'm very uncomfortable with the amount of lying this parenting gig requires.
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@JohnCleese: Hotel Security just knocked on my door to deliver a package. He asked for indentification. I showed him my book,with my name and face on it
@ItsAndyRyan: "Is this InkJet any good?" "Sure – we've sold it to royalty" "Princesses?" "Mate, it prints ALL the letters"
@Donna_McCoy: Just turned a corner and bumped into a woman with drawn-on eyebrows. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised.
@vultural: If you love someone, set them on fire. If they don't come back they aren't a phoenix and were completely useless to you anyway.