@FlyJ_: My kid started doing this annoying preteen whiny voice and now I can turn my head all the way around like the exorcist.
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@LeslieInMpls: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 85,432 times, you're a weatherman
@Douchekevin: I got a call at work telling me my daughter missed period number 3. When I woke up in the ambulance it turns out it was the school calling.
@upsidedowntrash: [carrot slice falls on the floor] Ah well I guess it's in the trash with you [potato chip falls on the floor] YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE.