@FlyJ_: My kid started doing this annoying preteen whiny voice and now I can turn my head all the way around like the exorcist.
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@SortaSarcastic: This Is total BULLSHIT! You can't even find ACME anvils on ebay. THIS IS WHY THE ALIENS DON'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY!
@Chumpstring: GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?
@iAmJuddy: Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*
@lisaxy424: Passed a gym sign that said “Have those new yoga pants been to yoga yet?” and I feel personally attacked.