@jakob_huber: Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.

@drewtoothpaste: Get a big metal box, label it "TIME CAPSULE" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2011 was like.

@: iPhone neeeeeds an update where an incoming call doesn’t take up the whole screen so you can do other things while you’re ignoring a call

@KateWhineHall: Just finished up some dusting. And by dusting I mean I blew on a shelf and then sneezed 6 times in a row.

@shesananteater: I need to get a car wash but my dogs' nose smudges on the back window appear to be forming a word so I'm gonna let that play out first.