@iwearaonesie: My kid talks a lot of shit for someone who bites his finger whenever he eats fries
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@Ben_Langley_: When I'm bored, I like to hold wedding ceremonies for my kitchen utensils. "I now pronounce you pan and knife."
@joelu72: DOCTOR: a new study says the meds ur on cause hallucinations ME: oh LARGE MENACING CACTUS THAT FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE: was it peer reviewed?
@YayForJam: Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. "A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago"