@MyHairyLife: My kid wanted juice but I gave him water which he promptly turned into whine.
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@causticbob: My gf just sat me down and confessed to me that she used to be a Christian. It came as quite a shock; I've only ever known her as Christine
@simoncholland: I just want to be rich enough that I don't have to watch DIY videos on YouTube every time something in my house breaks.
@IAmKashWah: Interviewer: How do you hit those high notes? Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me? Adam Levine: Practice.