@DannyZuker: My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Mr_Kapowski: *shaking wife awake* Me: Hey, just wanted to let you know, stop screaming, the heater is broken so that’s why I’m wearing this ski mask
@TheFearBoners: When God closes a door, He opens a window. God does not give a shit about your electric bill.