@DannyZuker: My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them.
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@twylaredsun: Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job
@ArfMeasures: ANAESTHETIST: Count backwards from 100 ME: 100..99..98 ME: ..3..2..1..um [looks round] now what? ANAESTHETIST [muffled] You have to find me
@CopernicusG: Every so often I remember the gut-wrenching disappointment of 11th grade English when I read enough of The Great Gatsby to find out he was just some thirsty dork instead of a magician
@1KelliBelle: Me: promise you won't show anyone? Him: promise *sends pics H: that's pics of fruit snacks M: you said you wanted pics of my goods