@nicfit75: My kids are giving all the people on this plane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
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@fro_vo: *running from cops* Me: hey wait hold up if we're gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit Cop: yeah me too good idea
@mrtruthandsoul: Wife: We're going to Jessie's BBQ today. Me: She's the one with the big--- Wife: They're fake! Me: So? -liveTweeting from the DogHouse
@natkaotic: So many girls look so cute and pretty when they cry then there's me where i look like a dying horse