@ImKevinito: My kids are going to be so disappointed when they figure out peer pressure is a myth and they have to actually pay for drugs in high school.
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@ThRealBallsDeep: *Makes sure the new girl at work sees how much pineapple I eat at lunch* *winks*
@MissBamantha: Grandpa Joe's all, I'm gonna just stay in bed for twenty years. Wait, a CHOCOLATE FACTORY? jkjk I can walk! He's my kinda people.
@dom_selleck: Get on your knees. Crawl towards me. Look under the couch. I think I lost the remote under there.
@TheToddWilliams: WIFE: I have a couple important announcements…First: I'm pregnant ME: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad WIFE: Second: No you're not