@ImKevinito: My kids are going to be so disappointed when they figure out peer pressure is a myth and they have to actually pay for drugs in high school.
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@jergarl: My stages of awkward: Sober me: I don't know what to do with my hands Drunk me: I don't know what to do with my face High me: What face?
@5exyunchained: It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
@WienerToboggan: *prepares to cook vegetarian chili* *spills the beans* Whoa, I suppose you could call that.. *lowers shades with a spatula*.. Kidney failure
@daveexplosm: Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We're 21st-century cavemen.