@ImKevinito: My kids are going to be so disappointed when they figure out peer pressure is a myth and they have to actually pay for drugs in high school.
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@causticbob: I hate it when people say "Oh, I'm a vegetarian except for fish". Yeah? And I'm a non-smoker except for cigarettes. #WorldVeganDay
@iwearaonesie: *spins in chair* Ah, Mr. Bond. I’ve been expect- *cat sitting in my lap freaks out and scratches the shit out of me*
@msmollybee25: This bartender doesn't know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.