@drinksmcgee: My kids are in Karate class and I'm just sitting here thinking that I could kick the shit out of half these 6 year olds.
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@sleepwalkingdog: Lois: "I saw Batman yesterday. He's put on a lot of weight" Clark: *lowers glasses* "More like Fat- Lois: "Oh my god it's Superman"
@iwearaonesie: *wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* "Dad are you coming too?" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me
@GlennyRodge: A horse walks into a bar. The batman asks "why the long..." "wait a minute, did you see that typo?" interrupts the horse.