@whereami18: My kids are really competing for least favorite today.
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@waydybee: Sometimes i think my life sucks. Then i look at the lives of others. Then it hits me. My life does suck!!
@PopSlapFunk: Dudes that only Retweet chicks: Your mom just called. Down to the basement. Come upstairs. Your dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets are ready.
@Smooheed: When I'm pushing the twins in the pram and someone asks me if they're mine I say 'no, they're for my collection' and run as fast as I can
@briangaar: Republicans: Don't let Syrians in! Trump: Don't let ANY Muslims in! Republicans: TOO FAR (dude be cool, we’ve got an election to win)