@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
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@Schmoodles: You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.
@dragonsorbet: Cute girl: omg I love this bread [At the next table] Jesus: [loudly, holding up a slice of bread] so this is my body