@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
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@captainkalvis: DATE her: i just wish our relationship was a little more... spontaneous me (holding a lighter to the table cloth): ive got just the thing
@Jazzzzzmina: How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy? There's some things I've licked that I don't want.
@nbadag: [to an inflatable tube man waving outside a car dealership] i feel like you're overreacting. these are moderate savings at best
@ericsshadow: If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That's why I work at Burger King.