@HRTSMRT: My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
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@uccjeb: Just killed a spider IN MY BED!! So if you need me, I'll be burning down my home and looking for a new place to live.
@Gilmatic: *nose hairs growing out of control *buys tiny scissors *jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs
@MomOnFire: And then I heard my mother's voice come out of my mouth like a demonic possession, "Get your hands off my breakable ornaments!"
@LoveNLunchmeat: I'm scared of Botox and plastic surgery so my plan for turning 40 is Snapchat filters.