@dshack8: My kids can't hear the dog barking for 15mins to come back inside but they can hear me bite into a Pop-Tart from 3 counties away.
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@Coastiefish: This guy says he rides a bike 20 miles a day, and then runs 5 miles a day too. Yo bro, you gotta get a car.
@stevezorz: Trump's gonna be sooo mad when he finds out that China realized building a Great Wall didn't keep foreigners out 400 years before he did.
@YoungNobler: Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien.
@AmishPornStar1: If you accidentally use Pam cooking spray instead of Off... It still works, because the mosquitoes just slide off your legs.