@dshack8: My kids can't hear the dog barking for 15mins to come back inside but they can hear me bite into a Pop-Tart from 3 counties away.
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@mjohnny3: On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
@noog: People talk about the environment like the Earth’s in danger. Don’t worry about Earth. Earth was a ball of magma once. Worry about us.
@nerdsrockk: When a guy flirts with me I start blushing uncontrollably and I hide. Then I wait for them outside their house wearing a wedding dress.