@LibelousLurker: My kids can't play at your house because they might begin to think laundry doesn't live on the couch.
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@PlopWaffle: Lois : Clark, are those binoculars? Clark Kent : Yes, I can't find my glasses. Lois : Put them down for a second. Clark : Lois : Clark : No
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Please stop. ME: Stop what? WIFE: Singing in the shower. ME: What's the big deal? WIFE: You're scaring everyone at Home Depot.
@DonQuickoats: I wonder if they sell tumbleweeds on eBay, as it would be cool to have a few following me around the office wherever I go
@sfreeze6: [on deathbed - calls for son] ".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."