@LibelousLurker: My kids can't play at your house because they might begin to think laundry doesn't live on the couch.
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@Dawn_M_: If I were a werewolf I wouldn't have to chain myself up at night because I don't like going out anyway.
@just1fool: To convert Celsius to Fahrenheit to double Celsius and add thirty. To convert someone to Mormonism you double the wives and add 17 kids.
@AndyAsAdjective: Honey, you know the part in The 6th Sense when she drops his wedding ring & you realize he's been dead the whole time? Well I want a divorce
@Smooheed: When anyone says they've embarrassed themselves enough for one day, I smile, nod and think 'that kind of limit sounds nice'