@Izianikapani: My kids don't drive me to drink. Can't wait until they get their license and they can though.
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@daemonic3: As an ultimate act of selflessness, someday I will travel to a 3rd world country and adopt a small, less fortunate highway.
@TheGoodGodAbove: It’s 100% legal to give cops the finger. But remember, it’s also apparently 100% legal for them to shoot and kill you.
@stephenjmolloy: Newsreader: "And now Tom with the weather." Weatherman: "It's Tim, actually." Newsreader: "Sorry. And now Tom with the tim."
@AimeeHelene1: Don't let the correct punctuation fool you; I'm basically a 4 year old with good grammar.