@Izianikapani: My kids don't drive me to drink. Can't wait until they get their license and they can though.
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@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER: What's your biggest weakness? VANILLA ICE: I've been known to steal under pressure
@AimeeHelene1: Me: Yes, I'd like the Mexican massage. Masseuse: The what? Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream* Masseuse: Me: Let's go, chop chop.
@david8hughes: If you see a distressed woman in the street screaming that she can't find her baby, don't offer to help her make another one.
@fire2sweet: Explaining a fountain to a 3rd world country must be weird. 'Yeah we just shoot clean water into the air and throw our extra money into it'.