@Izianikapani: My kids don't drive me to drink. Can't wait until they get their license and they can though.
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@Fickle_Filly: Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet.
@sarcasticmommy4: My kids have strategically placed items in an overflowing garbage can like they're building a Jenga puzzle. Have kids. It's fun.
@booyahchadly: Before sending a tweet l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential.
@Crutnacker: Biden: I took a Staples red button & wrote "Nukes" on it Obama: Joe! Biden: Tweets to him in Russian when pressed