@LurkAtHomeMom: My kids just introduced themselves as "Let's Go" and "We're Late"
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@dshack8: Bummed cuz parents wont send their kids to my resort that teaches how to pay attention. I thought "Concentration Camp" would be a gold mine.
@dildointherough: Dating tip: Photoshop yourself into some of her selfies. Women love guys who are good with computers.
@BoozyMusic: My new dentist asked me if I gag easily. "No, I'm a professional," probably wasn't the answer he expected.