@mommajessiec: My kids started calling me boss today, so now I have the painful task of figuring out which one I’m going to have to let go.
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@BCMontgo: Wife: How'd this get broken? Me: Probably the kids. Wife: We don't have any kids. Me: *already sprinted out the front door*
@michaelianblack: Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn't have waffle cones but they had PICTURES of waffle cones. That guy was me.
@DaddyJew: My boss doesn't know it yet but we're in the middle of an intense game of hide and seek