@sarcasticmommy4: My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere.
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@LetMeStart: Parenthood is mostly reminding the kids "no eating on the couch" while you're eating on the couch & agreeing with them that life isn't fair.
@NeptunePhoenix: Giraffes only sleep 2 hours a day. If reincarnation is real, fingers crossed that I don't come back as a giraffe.
@Crutnacker: Biden: I took a Staples red button & wrote "Nukes" on it Obama: Joe! Biden: Tweets to him in Russian when pressed
@0point5twins: *knock knock* "Sir, this is the police, open the door immediately" "But I'm having a poo" "We know sir, the phone box has glass sides"