@sarcasticmommy4: My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere.
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@Swishergirl24: "Be cool, be cool, be cool" ~me before I'm about to not be cool.
@theshamingofjay: TRUMP: I'm building a wall to keep Mexicans out. AMERICANS: I'm going to Canada if Trump is elected. CANADIANS: We need to build a wall.
@KyleMcDowell86: DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU
@Screwoff315: I'm tired of this long distance relationship! Time to move the liquor cabinet to the living room!
@FrogAvalanche: [two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain] "Hi." "Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564β before it went supernova?" "Yes." "U still owe me $20."
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