@mishakey: My kid's teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I'm like I do. I'm player 2.
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@Thateverydayguy: Why is there a show called "When Animals Attack"? It should be called "When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals."
@PaperWash: [ouija board] me: are there any spirits with us? Speak now ouija board: H E L L O F R O M T H E O T H E R S I D E me: ....please stop
@CulturedRuffian: [INTERVIEW] HR: What are your strengths? Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza* HR: Wow-Weaknesses? Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
@LnL245: M: Um, you just spelled "qwerty" as "querty". H: So? M: Look at the keyboard. H: And? M: [Breaking fourth wall look to camera]