@DistractedMomma: My kids use all the toilet paper, dictate when I sleep and eat, and destroy everything I own. My house is its own little communist country.
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@Midlifecrisis18: Sex in your 40's: (Position change) * CRRRACK * Her: Was that me or you? Me: Just go with it, we'll assess injuries later.
@BuckyIsotope: The ending for Toy Story 3 only Andy sells his toys to get weed money and makes a bong out of Mr. Potato Head.
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: Russia has just renewed a longstanding contract with Hollywood to play the bad guys in all international spy thrillers for another 60 years.
@trevso_electric: Any sink has a garbage disposal if you push hard enough.
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