@jonnysun: GOD: [reviewing solar system] hmm… i'll give it 5 stars EARTH: [imediately starts screamig due to masive gravitational pull of 4 new stars]

@Kendragarden: Sorry I picked up your pug and ran him in for a touchdown.

@chaseisangry: Concept: The Purge but it's 24 hours where retail workers are as rude as they want "Do u have a bathroom?" "No we shit outside like bears"

@Playing_Dad: Me:*delete pics* IPhone: you sure? M:Yes IP: Ok I'll just put them over here Me:delete them IP: Ok *whispers* keeping them on the cloud tho

@murrman5: wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]