@MmeSurly: My kids wouldn't stop asking me who my favorite is so I said the dog & now they're crying and I'm like THIS IS WHY THE DOG IS MY FAVORITE.
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@iLikeCatShirts: I'll sleep when I'm dead but also every night so I don't die.
@lynnbixenspan: Oh no I just accidentally did everything wrong all my life
@dumbbeezie: Please don’t feel you need to explain your opinions to idiots. We do not care what you think.
@RobertDuffy91: I refrain from jogging in the morning because according to Law & Order: SVU there is a 95% chance you'll find a dead body
@ThisOneSayz: Unless you have stellar reflexes, throwing a bouncy ball at your spouse during an argument is not the best choice.
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