@jonnysun: GOD: [reviewing solar system] hmm… i'll give it 5 stars
EARTH: [imediately starts screamig due to masive gravitational pull of 4 new stars]
@Kendragarden: Sorry I picked up your pug and ran him in for a touchdown.
@chaseisangry: Concept: The Purge but it's 24 hours where retail workers are as rude as they want
"Do u have a bathroom?"
"No we shit outside like bears"
@Playing_Dad: Me:*delete pics*
IPhone: you sure?
M:Yes
IP: Ok I'll just put them over here
Me:delete them
IP: Ok *whispers* keeping them on the cloud tho
@murrman5: wife: it looks too tight
me: it's fine, let's just go
[ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]
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