@RtrJan: My kitchen drawer was stuck but my husband got it open. I guess all it needed was a big jerk.
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@iwearaonesie: "This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down
@kentgrossarth: Her: 'Do I look, like, fat?' Brain: no,no,no,no Brain: Of course not. Brain: Say SOMETHING Mouth: 'Like a fat what?' Brain: Oh dear God
@KevinFarzad: I'm tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace
@JustLikeMikee: Modern Warfare: a $700,000,000 dollar plane drops a $50,000 bomb on a $1.00 tent