@Gooooats: My kitten is probably the most playful creature on the planet, but it's less cute when you realize it's all just bird murder practice.
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@mrjohndarby: I fall and drown in the lake. They pull out my body. "It's so bloated and grotesque" says one. "He only fell in a minute ago" says another
@mariokeyparty: It's kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn't
@3sunzzz: I'm just saying, if I was a divorce lawyer, I'd locate my firm directly across the street from an Ikea.
@KenJennings: Once my son was shooting nerfguns @ the clock &when I asked why said "bc time killed the dinosaurs." My kids are never leaving home are they