@KimMonte10: My lasagna just took a picture of me and posted it on Instagram
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@roggyie: If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there's nothing I can do about it.
@SatansTongue: *el chapo dies* God: okay I'm gonna have to send you to hell Chapo: ok *3 weeks later* Angel: El Chapo has escaped from hell
@jonnysun: MOTHRA: try this, its crunchy & juicy GODZILA: i cant, im on a…low-car diet MOTHRA: o ha ha like low-carb GODZILA: ha ha HUMANS IN CAR: AHHH
@FilthyMacrame: I'm a man who hates rocks *smashes a rock with a sledgehammer* oh great I just made like a thousand more rocks