@OBiiieeee: my last girlfriend broke up wth me after she went through my phone and i refused to tell her why i searched for goth grandpas
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@AristotlesNZ: Been rubbing this thing on my carpet for 2 hours and still nothing. How the hell do you recharge a smart car?
@notalogin: Please help me find my lost pet sloth. It was just right here and, oh, never mind, it's still right here.
@LackOfShame: Server: Would you like another glass of wine? Me: I'm sorry, I don't have time Server: For the wine? Me: No, for silly questions