@OBiiieeee: my last girlfriend broke up wth me after she went through my phone and i refused to tell her why i searched for goth grandpas
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@sad_tree: *shows up to date with horse drawn carriage* "I'm so surprised!" Yes it's a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn't have thumbs so
@N0pantz: Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
@Phook75: I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house
@bighandsmassuer: People often ask me why I'm single and how surprised they are Then after speaking to me for 15 mins they say they can understand why I am