@TheTweetOfGod: My last name is Zilla.
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@Sir_Strange: I almost died today, so naturally my first impulse was to pull my phone out and tweet about it.
@WheelTod: Seduce Angela Merkel by fondling the hem of her cardigan while whispering "Aren't you too pretty to be a Chancellor?"
@droidbears: [caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit