@MrMichaelRose: my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place
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@samuelhlowe: - Police, open the door. - What do you want? - We just wanna talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - Well just talk to each other.
@chrisdelia: I'm pitching a show called "Walking Dad" where dads go around biting each other and then the people who get bitten become dads too.
@donjuantip: i've decided to start a new healthier lifestyle. I'm adding cranberry juice to my morning Vodka.