@sammyrhodes: My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg.
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@Furry_Beaver: I just saw a guy take a bite out of a kitkat without breaking it apart first. Listen sir, society has rules. Adhere to them please.
@trojansauce: *in the corridor of the club waiting for my transitions lenses to turn back into glasses* i'll see you ladies inside
@dshack8: Anyone who's ever stood in a busy McDonald's line at 10:29am not knowing what to get has been closer to getting murdered than they realize.