@FunnerGunner: My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Brianhopecomedy: Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room.
@SmiggieBalls2: *grandpa in hospice* "son your generation relies on technology too much" "no gramps" *pulls the plug* "yours does." beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
@mymizztake: 15 men all vying for the chance to fight with one woman: 1. The Bachelorette 2. The American presidential race Samsies.