@FunnerGunner: My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."
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@iwearaonesie: if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument
@GabbbarSingh: Parliament should learn from Twitter, thousands of people shout here doing nothing productive, yet it never gets adjourned.
@GrowlyGrego: *approaches pond* *water recedes* *turns away* *water returns* What the ?? *approaches pond* *water recedes* Oh, I see. This is a coy pond.