@ambamthankyamam: My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has "other pedicures to do" and doesn't "speak English".
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@UNTRESOR: The inventor of the USB cable died recently. They're still trying to figure out which way to put his casket in the ground.
@Reverend_Scott: Don't bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.
@Tmoney68: Just overheard someone say they need an "escape goat" for their project & I can't decide if they're a complete idiot or an evil genius.
@PinkCamoTO: I never realized just how much of parenting is surreptitiously throwing away artwork.