@ambamthankyamam: My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has "other pedicures to do" and doesn't "speak English".
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@BobLoblaw143637: Lying on my bed struggling to squeeze into jeans The dog comes in to show emotional support ... followed by the cat, who came to judge.
@jus4golf: Me: What's for dinner? Her: Chinese. Me: I will make the Duck Sauce. *catches duck *fires up juicer
@T_N_Crumpets: [Me chasing 12 greyhounds round a race track] YOU'LL GET TIRED EVENTUALLY. THEN I WILL PET YOU!