@Rollinintheseat: My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog and not wanting to talk to its owner.
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@jjhartinger: hubs: why the makeup? me: we're cooking dinner together. him: and... me: and, I want to look nice when the police arrive.
@DaddyJew: Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant
@Sassafrantz: I just introduced my date as P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney because I forgot his name. How's your night?
@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Have you been drinking or are you on any drugs? Me: Whoa, one question at a time, dude.