@drunktweets81: My life is like a beautiful piece of furniture from IKEA. Once I figure out how to put it all together, I may get to actually enjoy it.
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@panmidwest: Stranger: so what do you do? Me: I'm in seminary S: seminary huh? so you can't get married? M: nah, I can't get married bc of my personality
@krustythe_klown: I'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with me when I get Alzheimer's
@markleggett: Despite hating tomatoes, I was a tomato in a school play. I put my personal beliefs aside and nailed the role because I was a professional.