@RidiculousSheri: My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I'm the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food.
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@1slowery1: Me: hope ur soccer team wins the great fork American: What Me: the good plate American: the super bowl Me: i knew it was a kitchen something
@upsidedowntrash: After a long journey Frodo and Sam arrive to return the One Ring to the fires of Mt. Doom Frodo: Dude dont be mad, but I forgot the receipt
@WistfulBlue: When someone loves you a lot they will buy you a burrito even when you're not hungry so you can get fat and no one else will love you.
@1Happytwit: This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she's never broken a lawnmower before.