@RidiculousSheri: My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I'm the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food.
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@Versacheetos: Kim - Where is North West? Kanye - *takes out compass* Kim - I mean my baby! Kanye - I'm right here. Kim - Jesus Kanye! Kanye - Yeezus*
@JesKeepSwimming: The ones you keep closest to your heart hurt you the most. Like the underwire in my bra that tried to stab me.
@WilliamAder: They're not called "butt hole mirrors." They're called "hand mirrors," according to this clerk at Walgreens.