@amydillon: My life these days is basically the "before" segment of an infomercial for a revolutionary new mop.
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@Reverend_Scott: "I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty" It's fall?? "Ya, so what?" [leaves start attacking everyone] OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED
@kelkulus: When I'm bored on a plane, I pull a random machine part out of my pocket and ask the person next to me "Do you know where this came from?"
@Scdavis24: Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
@Juicedballs: Walk into a pawn shop with a ponytail & a handlebar mustache & they treat you like Ray Liotta walking thru that restaurant in Goodfellas