@amydillon: My life these days is basically the "before" segment of an infomercial for a revolutionary new mop.
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@Molly_Kats: YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer--I don't have any.
@Steelers1972: I hate when the cashier ask me " You doing alright today " when I'm buying a 6-pack of beer with change.
@splendidcynic: Establish dominance at the dentist by hitting them with a rock and asking if THAT is comfortable.