@amydillon: My life these days is basically the "before" segment of an infomercial for a revolutionary new mop.
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@turboescortdude: 3 y/o: I want a bagel Me: We don't have any 3 y/o: You're a idiot Me: How did you survive your abortion
@leechee420: You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose "creepy weird dude."
@JohnLyonTweets: Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster.