@dlockw21: My lighter has two settings:
1: Spark, spark, spark
2: No left eyebrow
@agathagotstoned: Barring any distractions, it only takes about three months to teach a meerkat how to throw knives.
@Brampersandon_: First time flying huh?
-Yeah how could you tell?
Just a hunch. You wanna come down to your seat? The overhead bin is typically for luggage.
@BoogTweets: A TV should have been called a watch and a watch should have been called a time machine. Fight me.
ME: Sure is beautiful here
ME: Lovely sunset too
HORSE: Uh huh
ME: So...You want a drink?
HORSE: Nice try
@bigmacher: Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.