@ChaseMit: My little sister is bringing her black boyfriend to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving so I'm bringing popcorn and a comfortable chair.
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@murrman5: Look, you invented bread and I invented knives. Let's combine forces and we could be the best thing since...well we'll think of that later.
@Abusitron: ME: I need you to look at my balls, doc *removes pants* DR: Ok what seems to be the problem? ME: *swivels hips sensually* Nuthin
@XLCadillac: [job interview] “Why should I hire you?” “Because I have pictures of you with a goat?”
@chairmanMAO_92: Why didn't the people in the movie Armageddon just hold up a big sheet of paper when the meteor was coming? Paper beats rock...