@ChaseMit: My little sister is bringing her black boyfriend to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving so I'm bringing popcorn and a comfortable chair.
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@Parentpains: She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her. Dating is bullshit.
@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, I don't feel good." "Do you want to go see the doctor?" "Yeah." "Are you gonna throw up?" "Maybe." "OK. We'll take your mom's car."
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, I want to reach out and touch a star Me: Yeah, well, that would incinerate the both of us instantly so I don't think so
@KateWhineHall: I just spent the day painting our fence. All I know is tomorrow I better be able to do karate.