@ChaseMit: My little sister is bringing her black boyfriend to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving so I'm bringing popcorn and a comfortable chair.
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@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: As a young boy, did your mother ever treat you badly? ME: As far as I know *pauses to think* my mother was never a young boy
@underchilde: Today we’ll be discussing near-death experiences and why not to talk to your girlfriend about weight gain.
@joeljeffrey: They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. Please. You wanna know expertise? I've spent over 300,000 hrs being a moron