@ChuckGrassley: My local steak house serves nothing but vegetarian bc cows are vegetarian
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@Up2Long: Beautiful women following me on Twitter is screwing up my perception of who will talk to me in RL. A trip to Walmart should fix that.
@SardonicTart: I'm glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don't know what I'd do with all this work.
@TheToddWilliams: "Nothing is certain, except death and taxis." Don't you mean "ta-- *gets run over by a cab*
@ehdannyboy: "Always give your food a rinse before you eat it," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches.