@weinerdog4life: I just ran over a tree, a 5'2" blonde screaming tree with a purse.

@jonnysun: DETROIT: im doing a secret show at 8pm tonigt at a small club dowmtown! mesage me for details!!! ME: omg a talkimg city

@9GAGTweets: Turks ...

@Mr_Kapowski: Watched an old man pay in all quarters and my only thought was "he must keep all the money he pulls from behind kid's ears"

@Olligater: Someone should write a book where the character slowly falls in love with the reader.