@robdelaney: My marriage is a mess and I'm in real financial trouble. But the McRib will return one day, and that's what keeps me going.
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@Schmoodles: I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn't tweeted in a year. They'll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t.
@Fred_Delicious: Mark Zuckerberg came up with the idea for Facebook when he was at a party & a racist uncle wrote a bible quote on a painting then poked him
@NikiWithIssues: If Snow White can trick 7 men into supporting her, then I'm sure I can find at least one sucker to do that for me.
@truegritrumble: HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture.