@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: My Masseuse just read 'Cinderella' to me ~ That's the last time I ask for a happy ending.
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@jessokfine: My husband got some virtual reality goggles for christmas and so far I like them because they make him very vulnerable to attack.
@Glynner85: The best part about having a muppet for a best friend is that when you're done singing songs, BOOM free oven mitt.
@Slims_Ramblings: First Date: "So, tell me something no one else knows about you." Well, my wife thinks I'm at the movies and you think I'm single.