@SondraDeeMe: My Medical Emergency Contact is a girl from college who promised she'd pluck any stray hairs off my face if I slipped into a coma.
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@monicaheisey: "the uk couldn't POSSIBLY leave" "trump couldn't POSSIBLY be president" "we couldn't POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity"
@AndrewChamings: [at funeral parlor with bereaved girlfriend] HER: You think these glass urns are a good idea? ME: Remains to be seen.
@PashSara: 5: Mommy, we can eat something if we not allergic? Me: yep 5:right now? Me:sure 5:BROTHER! Mom said we can have ice cream! Me: sonofa...