@dixonshuman: My memory is horrible but I remember every person I loaned a book to that didn't return it.
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@OneThirstyNaut: Interviewer: Where did you receive your education? Me: Yale Interviewer: Wow! When did you graduate? Me: I yust got out in Yuly
@ThePawfessor: eating red meat increases your chances of dying by 13%. i now have a 113% chance of dying.
@lyric_intent: [Broken Air Conditioner] Her:*sweaty* how did the pioneers ever survive without A/C? *sweating audibly* well, they're all dead, aren't they?
@KidBeatnix: If you want to play frisbee Buy a frozen pizza instead of a frisbee And when you get hungry from playing frisbee Eat your frisbee