@dixonshuman: My memory is horrible but I remember every person I loaned a book to that didn't return it.
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@HomeProbably: After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered.
@Eye_Of_Madara: I told her love was all about sacrifice, but she still screamed when she saw the dead goat.
@bourgeoisalien: Just accidentally messaged my husband "love you sexy beats" instead of "sexy beast" and now he thinks he’s some sort of DJ.