@GrumpyBahr: My middle finger will be answering all questions today!
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@INDlAN_: *lost in China* Friend: ask that man where we are Me [pretending to speak Chinese with a local]: xian chan sēn F: well? Me: we’re in China
@Rollinintheseat: When you're talking to someone with no teeth, you find out teeth are also a retaining wall for spit.
@curlycomedy: Jesus said to love your neighbor, but makes no mention about putting up with their music at 3am.
@cbdoubleu: "Are you seeing anyone?" Me: lately I've been seeing this squiggly floaty thing on my peripheral vision. Floaty thing: We're just friends.