@perlapell: My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jrza84: Actually told a girl who's moving to France soon that "there's lots of French people over there". It's a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
@killazilla: HR- do you know why we called you down here today? Me- your broomstick is broke and you need a ride? HR... Me- a house landed on your sister
@JohnFugelsang: I can't wait for the next Oscars dead-person montage when all the celebs Joan Rivers insulted have to applaud her.