@RoosterMustache: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like "hey thanks" and I'm like "I'm just happy to be a part of this nice community"
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@imence2: "My ex was a great wife, mom & never once complained once about ass to mouth" was apparently not an acceptable speech when she remarried?
@gerryhatric: My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I winked at her. She bought me eye drops.
@weinerdog4life: I'm not allowed at the gym anymore because I dropped my chili dog on the treadmill