@Gen22: My milkshake won't bring the boys to the yard but I'm betting my free wifi will.
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@truegritrumble: My mother wanted grandchildren, so I changed the ring on her phone to the ice cream truck song so she can attract one.
@bobvulfov: [standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible
@TragicAllyHere: *turns around in my chair and I'm stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I've been expecting you.
@SeanINCypress: Bad news is I'm not fluent in Starbucks. Good news is I ordered a skinny Latin, and Marc Anthony is a real sweetheart.